Single in the South: ... But ... by Chasity Boling

When you’re single and most of your friends are not, you usually become ‘the wheel’. Any person that has been single at any point in their life should know about being ‘the wheel’. And if you’ve never been single long enough to be a wheel, keep it to yourself because no one wants to hear about it.


Personally, I’ve been wheeling and dealing with it for years now. I’ve actually come to expect it. It’s really not so bad. I can honestly say that I have the best friends a girl could ask for. They are always looking out for me and trying to set me up on dates. Sometimes, I feel like they worry more about me finding Mr. Right than I do. I think they just sincerely want me to be happy and I really appreciate that. However, there are times when I have to wonder what illegal substance they might have been smoking when the “this guy would be perfect for Chas” thought comes to mind.

The conversation usually starts off really positive. A friend, coworker, or acquaintance will mention an awesome guy that they know and how compatible they think we are. The intro always sounds so promising and then there’s thebut… There’s ALWAYS a but. You know what I mean, right? “This guy is so cute- perfect teeth, nice family, loves Jesus…. but… he has 3 kids” OR “He’s tall, dark, and handsome with a great sense of humor … but ... he’s 35 years old, lives with his parents, and has no current income“ OR “He’s adorable … but… he’s 24 years old… but acts really mature “ OR “He’s perfect for you… but… he’s been married 3 times”, or “he’s currently going through a divorce” I guess he was Mr. Perfect for a few other people, too (insert eye roll).


I know people’s hearts are in the right place but seriously? Why is it so hard to find an honest, single, attractive guy with a good job, at least 28 years of age, with no criminal record? I’ll admit that there are some things that are negotiable, like kids. I realize how rare it is for someone my age to have never been married or to not have any kids. And for that reason, I would say that a previous marriage or a kid wouldn’t be a deal breaker at this point. But I’m also too old for baby mama drama and crazy ex-wives. If a guy has baggage like that, he better be an amazing catch and sweep me off my feet.

I feel like the older we get, the bigger the ‘buts’ get. And I’m sure I have ‘buts’ of my own, like “she’s a great girl… but… she writes a blog about dating and might end up writing about you, like Taylor Swift does with her songs. I’m sure I have bigger ‘buts' than that but I’m also the one writing this blog so we aren’t going to dwell on those. ;)


I know it can be a real drag being the 3rd wheel (or the 5th, or the 7th) but wouldn’t you rather wheel and deal with it instead of settling for someone with a large‘but? And I don’t mean the cute kind. 

Leave me a comment below about some of the‘buts’ you’ve experienced.